Adding Some Spice To Your Sex-life
Sex toys can certainly enhance a relationship, but they can also be tricky things – I say this because it can be difficult to know when – and exactly how – to bring them into a relationship….especially into a long-standing one….
Some people find the introduction of sex toys into a relationship rather daunting because it could lead to feelings of inadequacy on the partner’s side. Unfortunately, this is due to society’s misconceptions as well as due to much cultural and religious ‘imprinting’ – when really, there is absolutely nothing wrong with introducing a bit of spice into any relationship. In fact, it can even be an enlightening and satisfying experience, furthering both trust and understanding between partners.
Here is some advice on how, when and where you can broach the subject of sex toys with your partner.
Choosing the right time to chat about introducing sex toys into your sex-life in important. Depending on your relationship’s dynamics, your own and your partner’s personality, your level of shyness and many other factors – one of many different timings and settings will work best for you.
If you are shy, then perhaps it’s better if you broach the topic in bed, late at night – in the dark – when no eye contact is required - and you are both relaxed. Alternatively, you may choose to be casual about it and perhaps mention an article you have read (such as this one), a website you stumbled upon, or a conversation you had with friends and ask your partner how s/he would feel about trying a new toy. Some people however simply wait for a spouse’s birthday, Valentine’s Day or Christmas-time and merely gift wrap a sex-toy and hope for the best!
In most relationships however, communication is vital when thinking of introducing a new adult toy for the first time because a huge amount of trust and often reassurance is involved, especially if one partner is apprehensive. So, listen to what your partner thinks and feels, if there is something you wish to try that your partner is uneasy about – start slowly, build up to it, make sure you are both totally at ease with the idea and keep positive.
Maybe, a part of your partner’s apprehension is not so much in using the toy – but in what is involved when actually ‘buying’ the toy – many people conjure images of seedy sex shops in back alleyways in their city’s dodgiest neighbourhood! With that in mind, it’s not really surprising that the thought of ‘toy shopping’ fills them with dread! But – that is where the anonymity that the Internet gives us all comes in really handy!
So begin your search online and browse the many sex toy superstores available. You will find many, easy to navigate, user-friendly stores that offer thousands of toys – all neatly categorised – and with many gadget and devices, that perhaps you were never even aware of.
An excellent ‘beginner’ toy, that has received rave reviews and has a celebrity following is the Rabbit Vibrator. Ever since Miranda bought a ‘vibrator rabbit’ for Charlotte in a Season 1 episode of Sex and the City, sales of the rabbit vibrator have gone sky high and it is arguably the best-selling vibrator worldwide. This is not surprising given that – what sets the rabbits apart – is the fact that ‘rabbits’ are specifically designed to provide sensational and simultaneous clitoral, g-spot and vaginal stimulation – and have therefore left the more traditional vibrators back in the Middle Ages.
Various vibrator rabbit models are available but thankfully at sites like LovetheRabbit.com you’ll find articles, information, raves and reviews on the best jack rabbit vibrators available and many direct links to the stores and suppliers that stock them. Once you have chosen and purchased a toy you like – and have had the thrill of unwrapping your new treasure, you need to set the mood.
Soft lighting and music are the perfect platform to start any sexy evening and when the time is right to introduce your new toy, take it slow and relax into the sensations it gives you and/or your partner.
In addition, ensure that if you need lubrication you have it on hand, there is nothing worse than having to break the ‘magic’ to fumble for something! If you are comfortable with the feelings and sensations that your new toy is giving you – relax and enjoy the experience – however, don’t be surprised if the first time you use one, things are a bit awkward; for example, you may find the settings either too weak or too strong – but don’t worry – with practice you will find the angle and speed that are just right for you.
Finally, always discuss any issues that have arisen – both positive and negative – with your partner and plan how to resolve them or maximise on them. Once you have introduced one toy into your bedroom – there will be little to stop you from trying another…and another! Good luck!
Joanna Newsom – Jackrabbits (with lyrics)